Brooks Szewczyk

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Brooks Szewczyk

7 Reasons Why I’m Not Kissing Until Marriage—And Why You Shouldn’t Either

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It seems that there are a lot of young couples around me right now, and a lot of new relationships are forming quickly. Due to that, I thought this exhortation would be helpful, and sometimes necessary, for my brothers in Christ to hear.

I have given a list of reasons why you should not kiss until you are married. I hope this encourages and sanctifies you as you read and consider what I have written.

Kissing causes temptation.

You should not even put yourself in a situation where you may be enticed to sin. Christ equates lust with adultery. However normative lust seems in our culture—it is an abomination. I plead with you, brother, not to waver in your pursuit of all that is holy.

We are told to lay aside anything that keeps us from running quickly after Christ as well as the sin that ensnares us (Hebrews 12:1-2). “But sexual immorality and any impurity or greed should not even be heard of among you, as is proper for saints,” (Ephesians 5:3, Emphasis Mine).

Consider whether you are deliberately getting as close to sin as you can, without actually touching it. This is not good. “But each person is tempted when he is drawn away and enticed by his own evil desires. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death,” (James 1:14-15, Emphasis Mine)

It is more passion than you might think.

“But, what if kissing doesn’t cause you to lust. There are many cultures that kiss merely as a greeting,” one may reason. There are a couple errors with this statement.

First, you are not in one of those cultures. You do not share their worldview. And, that is not what kissing means to you. I grant that it may not mean as much to the French. But, in our culture, kissing is progress in your relationship. It forms a bond of intimacy and affection that may be wise to save until marriage.

Second, kissing may not directly cause lust. This doesn’t mean that it cannot indirectly cause lust. When you begin to kiss in your relationship, you cross a boundary that allows much more passion to enter your relationship. The emotional connection becomes far greater than before. There may be some desire that finds its way into your hearts. Also, remember that your partner may be falling into temptation even if you are not. It should be in your best interest to keep each other pure and focused on the Lord.

“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” – 2 Timothy 2:22

You must treat her as your sister.

This woman is not your wife. Before anything else, she is your sister. She will be your sister for all eternity, but even your marriage will come to an end (Matthew 22:30). Care for her and treat her as your sister in this way. 1 Timothy 5:1-2 says “Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and with all propriety, the younger women as sisters.” Though Paul is speaking of rebuke, he encourages Timothy to treat the younger women as sisters.

More than that, he says to do it with all propriety. Treat her with the utmost respect. Treat her in an appropriate way. The Greek word used in this passage for “propriety” is hagneia, which is properly translated “purity” only one chapter earlier (1 Timothy 4:12). We should follow in the advice of Paul to Timothy to treat younger women as sisters with all purity and propriety.

Things may not end the way you think.

Girlfriend is not a life-long status. Christian men, the reason you are dating is so you can determine whether this is the woman who you will marry. Until you are wedded, there is no guarantee that you will be with her forever. I realize that it is not likely that your relationship will end for most of you, but it is still not worth taking the chance.

If this does end up happening, you have been very intimate with someone who will one day belong to another man.

If you have any doubt, don’t do it.

Don’t kiss if there is anything in you which says that you shouldn’t. You should do nothing out of doubt. Do not go against your conscience. By doing this, Paul says that some have made shipwreck of their faith (1 Timothy 1:19). Paul knows a thing or two about shipwrecks (picture proof below), so I would trust him on this.

Having a bad conscience is a good reason to not kiss, whether or not your logic can find fault (Romans 13:5). Scripture speaks numerous times on the importance of keeping a good conscience (Titus 1:15, 1 Timothy 1:5, 3:9, 1 Peter 3:16, and more). If there is anything in you or your significant other thinking that you should not kiss, don’t do it. Make sure that you ask your girlfriend if her conscience is clear about this as well.

Waiting is advised.

I have heard from many wise men and women about boundaries in a dating relationship. There is a pattern in their advice.

The married couples who did not kiss before they got married do not regret it. More than that, they would advise other couples to do the same. Doing this cultivated passion in their relationship later on, and it was totally worth it to them. The married couples who did kiss before they got married say that they would do that differently if they could.

Couples who don’t kiss can testify to you that they lack nothing. They are content and loving in their relationship, and they grow even stronger in the Lord through their fellowship. They advise not kissing until marriage.

I can think of 12 people who have urged me to abstain from kissing. I can think of only 1 who has said that I should. The advice of these godly men and women mean too much for me to ignore.

Do not cause your brother to stumble.

Because you know that abstaining from kissing until marriage is not a sin, you and your partner may decide to allow it. Though you know this, you should still not kiss in front of other believers.

Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God.

Romans 14:13-22

There are many brothers and sisters who are convinced that this is not wise, and you may not know when they are around you.

This is not legalism.

Accusations of legalism will probably meet my plea. It is not legalistic to pursue holiness and strive to be pleasing to God in every way possible. As R.C. Sproul pointed out, Jesus kept the law perfectly, and he wasn’t a legalist. It is a good thing to live your life in a manner worthy of the gospel. This is a topic for another day, but I encourage you to not reject what I have said because you believe it’s legalistic.

What would you say to these things? Feel free to lovingly keep this conversation going by giving your input in the comments. Blessings on you and your partner.

10 Tips to Write Better Than You Ever Have Before

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Writing blog posts is fun and rewarding. Knowing how to make your blog post amazing and appealing should get you excited about writing.

I recently read Ann Handley’s book Everybody Writes, along with articles from grabcontent, QuickSprout, and Writtent. I have compiled a list of the 10 best and most useful tips so that you can write better than you ever have before.

1. Write the title super well.

Your title is just as important as the rest of your article. Don’t pick one until you have finished writing. And, don’t rush through the process of picking it. It helps to keep a list of possible titles before choosing one. Here are a few tips, with examples of what they look like:

  • No clickbait. (He Wrote an Article So Good His Mama Cried… You Won’t Believe How!)
  • Numbers are your friend. (23 Reasons to Obliterate Comic-Sans)
  • If it’s bland, it’s not worth keeping. (How to Write Well)
  • Nothing too short. (Fantabulous Writing)
  • Nothing too long. (Every Time You Write, Follow This Simple Procedure and You’ll Definitely Prosper)
  • Write to a person. (This Advice Will Help You Write Better)

2. The beginning should be the best.

Forget what you learned in school. You don’t need an introduction that lays out what you will write about in the next three paragraphs. The beginning of your article, if good, will result in people reading to the end. If it is not good, they will not continue any further. Always lead with your strongest, most interesting, or most helpful point. If you need an introduction, a quick two-sentence paragraph (like the one in this article) will do fine.

3. Don’t edit while you write.

Perfection shouldn’t be attained your first write-through. If you try this, you will get bored (and probably not finish writing). Deal with your first draft, however hideous it may be. You can come back later to reorganize, rephrase, and correct what you have written. Putting your information and thoughts down is a different process than critiquing them.

4. Start your sentences with the most important words.

If you really want to keep someone’s attention, have each new thought start well. The most important words in your sentence should be the words that start your sentence. Ann Handley gave a good list of ways not to start your sentences:

  • According to
  • There is a
  • It is important
  • In my opinion
  • The purpose of this [email, post, article, etc] is
  • In 2017 [or any year]
  • I think [feel, believe] that

These shouldn’t be followed absolutely, but it is worth checking your sentences against this list to see if you can make them more interesting.

5. Don’t repeat yourself.

This rule applies in a couple ways. First, it is best not to use the same word multiple times. But, this doesn’t mean it is always wrong to say a word more than once. If you can use a pronoun without being ambiguous (or losing emphasis), do it. Second, don’t repeat an idea that is not your main idea multiple times in the same article. It is not helpful to tell someone the same thing over and over again “just in case they didn’t catch it the first time.”

6. Write in active voice.

Always write in active voice. If you can’t remember what this means, here is a refresher. Active voice is when the subject of your sentence is performing the action (verb) of your sentence. For example, “Bob loves the Bible.” The opposite of that is Passive voice, where what is doing the action is after the verb in your sentence. For example, “The Bible is loved by Bob.” This just complicates things. Plus, it sounds weird.

7. Brevity is okay. So is length.

If you have a topic that you don’t know much about, write a brief article. If you have a topic in which you are well-versed, add some length. It is not good to try to stretch what you have written to make it longer or to condense what you have written so that it won’t take as much time to read.

8. “Assume the reader knows nothing. But don’t assume the reader is stupid.” – Ann Handley

You will have to explain your words and ideas to your audience. This does not mean that you have to dumb-down your words. Though it is good practice to use unsophisticated language, don’t patronize people. As Woody Guthrie once said, “Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple.”

9. Write to someone.

Keep in mind, it is a regular person who will be reading what you write. Even the most sophisticated CEO would rather read a simple and clear article than a paper filled with academic jargon. Ann Handley recommends starting your draft with “Dear Mom,” and writing like you would to your mom. It helps you keep your audience in perspective. Don’t be afraid to use the pronoun “you.” In short, be personable (not always personal.)

10. Have someone check over your work.

You won’t be able to catch every mistake. Not only can they point out grammatical errors, but they can also tell you how to make it more interesting. A writing buddy is one of the best resources you’ll need so you can write like a pro.

Now that you’ve got these 10 tips, your writing will be better than ever before. But, remember this: If you are not embarrassed about what you wrote a month ago, you aren’t growing. It’s good to realize you could’ve done better. If you need a writing buddy, styling advice, or help with your blog, feel free to contact me.

Are Possessions Keeping You from Jesus?

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In the parable of the large banquet, Jesus tells of one particular type of man. The story begins in this way (Lk 14:16-18):

A man was giving a large banquet and invited many. At the time of the banquet, he sent his slave to tell those who were invited, ‘Come, because everything is now ready.’ But without exception they all began to make excuses. The first one said to him, ‘I have bought a field, and I must go out and see it. I ask you to excuse me.’

Though the host invited the first man, the first man didn’t come. Not only was this host offering a large banquet, but he also had his presence and his home to offer.

This was not enough for the first man. He had a field to tend to. He had priorities: field first, host second (or worse). His possessions got in the way of him and the most important person. Note: Tending to a field that you bought and have never seen is important. However, it is not worth it if something greater is offered.

Christians and non-Christians both have the capacity to let their stuff have a foothold in their life.

Non-Christians, are you unwilling to follow Jesus because you know that following Jesus means not valuing your earthly possessions? Jesus said in Mt 10:38-39 “Whoever doesn’t take up his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me. Anyone finding his life will lose it, and anyone losing his life because of Me will find it.” However, the misunderstanding may be here: you don’t give up your stuff to earn something. You give up your stuff because it is nothing compared to the surpassing worth of Christ (Ph 3:8; Mt 13:44).

Christians, are you letting your stuff become an idol in your life? “Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with these” (1 Tm 6:6-8). As Christians, we count all things as loss. We count God as our supreme treasure, worthy of all that we have. Do you sometimes value your stuff more than God? “Little children, guard yourselves from idols” (1 Jn 5:21).

Dear friends, flee from the love of money. Flee from the love of electronics. Flee from the love of your home. Flee from the love of your car. But, pursue Christ above all else. “Love God and do whatever you please: for the soul trained in love to God will do nothing to offend the One who is Beloved.”—Augustine

Feel free to leave a reply below.

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Finding a Deserted Place

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“Yet He often withdrew to deserted places and prayed.”—Luke 5:16

This was very early in Jesus’ ministry, and He was finding a place to pray. He continued to do this even until the end of His life (Luke 22:39-46).

Setting time apart to spend with the Lord in the mornings is awesome (and essential), but it is also awesome to find a place of retreat where you can meditate on Him, the scripture, and prayer. Note: when I say “meditate,” I am not speaking of clearing your mind of all thoughts. Rather, I am speaking of setting your mind on things above, and not earthly things.

This place is preferably deserted. Especially for me, people and electronics are big distractions. I have found such a place at BGU. There are more than a few trails near Bethany, but there is one that I go to as much as I can. It is a little over 1 mile away from campus, which is a good distance for walking. I have taken a few pictures on my substandard cell phone camera.

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Part of the Walkway

 

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There is also a bridge.

 

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And a river under the bridge.

 

I am extremely grateful for the friends who showed me this place and I am definitely going to make use of it when praying and reading the Bible. Making use of it lately, I have been thinking about a few things.

First, I seem to not be willing to move until I am absolutely certain that God is telling me to. However, is it really faith if I move in certainty? Am I ignoring the Holy Spirit because I have a little doubt that it is Him?

Second, Jeremiah says “I know LORD that a man’s way of life is not his own. No one who walks determines his own steps,” (Jeremiah 10:23). The Lord is going to have His way, and that should excite me! His glory should be my delight, no matter what it means. He deserves it, and I love Him.

Lastly, if I seek the Lord, I am not lacking any good thing. If I am seriously in want and, after seeking the Lord, not receiving, it is good that I haven’t been given what I want. Psalm 34 says “Taste and see that the Lord is good. Fear the Lord, you His saints, for those who fear Him lack nothing. Young lions lack food and go hungry, but those who seek the Lord will not lack any good thing.”

What do you think about this? How have you seen God lately? Feel free to comment on this post.

If you would like to pray with me for the things that I pray for, you can sign up for my weekly prayer list.

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